How To Save A Marriage 5 Things You Can Do Today

marriage

How To Save A Marriage 5 Things You Can Do Today

Have you been looking for advice on how to save a marriage, but can’t seem to find anything more than vague tips about learning communication skills, not criticizing, forgiving each other? Well, sure, those things are great, but there’s a lot you can do today to make things better. While most of these steps for how to save a marriage take some time, they’re all things you can start doing right now.

Have a cooling down period!

Whether your spouse has just told you they want a divorce or you’ve been talking about it for a while, a cooling down period will do you both some good. Take about a week to get away from each other and gather your thoughts. This is no time to make a laundry list of your “future ex’s” faults, though! Instead, focus on remembering why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place and think through some calm, respectful ways to address the problems when you see each other again.

Work on your own issues!

Yes, you have issues, too. Sorry. And these aren’t just issues between you and your spouse, but issues related to any emotional baggage you brought into the marriage, too. If you’re taking a cooling off period, that’s a great time to work on these problems, although you shouldn’t expect to resolve any deep issues in such a short time.

Keep in mind, too, that you need to be careful about assigning blame, especially if your spouse has been violent or verbally abusive. While many therapists who understand how to save a marriage will remind you it “takes two to tango,” don’t start thinking you “made” your partner act a certain way.

Resolve conflicts!

If you’ve already taken your cooling off period and given some serious thought to how you might be contributing to the conflict, set aside a few uninterrupted hours (read: get a babysitter) to talk things over. If it seems like you always end up in shouting matches every time you try to work things out, you might want to do this in a marriage counselor’s office. A neutral third party knowledgeable about how to save a marriage can really help keep things sane so you can make some real progress.

Spend quality time with each other!

Not spending enough quality time together is often what starts marital problems in the first place. Then once the marriage is really on the rocks, you spend more and more time apart. Fortunately, it’s an easy trend to reverse. Find something you both enjoy doing, as long as you can chat with each other while doing it, and schedule a time for the activity at least twice a week.

Be Patient!

Most truly useful advice on, “how to save a marriage”, won’t give you quick fixes that you can get done in one day, but a lot will give you tactics you can at least try out right away. Whether you think you need a short break from your spouse to ease tensions or you just need to focus on each other a little more to keep things from really falling apart, there’s always something you can do today to get started in the right direction. The important thing is to take action now and not waste
any more time hoping things will get better on their own.

10 Responses to “How To Save A Marriage 5 Things You Can Do Today”

  1. Dark_LovexXx wrote::

    I have been married for 2 years now and I feel as though my marriage is spiraling out of control. We have a 5 month old son, so things can be quite stressful, but for some reason I somehow always find myself being completely immature and say things that are very hurtful. Sometimes I just feel like walking away and leaving all of the marital stress behind, but I dont want to lose my son. A little background. I work, my wife stays at home and raises our son, which is what I want by the way. I make enough money for us to live comfortably. I know money is not the issue, we never fight about money, and both of us are faithful to each other. The biggest problem is me not knowing how to handle her problems. If I am at work and she calls to tell me she is having a hard time today with the baby, instead of telling her I am sorry and I will help when I get home, I just get upset. Not at her, at the situation. I dont know why I am so unsupportive of her, I really do want to be married to her. By the way most of this started after the baby was born. Used to if we would argue we would just go out on a date and have make up sex, now we cant run from our problems. I just dont know what to do anymore, I know I can be a real jerk and it is always at the worst possible time. Any help would be appreciated.

    Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 6:43 am #    
  2. xiM Clutch wrote::

    Can any one in this area recommend a really good couples/marriage therapist? If so please tell me a little of your experience with them.
    Thank you!

    Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 6:41 pm #    
  3. Joe T wrote::

    what were some of your issues…and did it work for you???? what type of a counselor did you see? thanks!

    Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 9:51 am #    
  4. John G wrote::

    What are the different themes of a Parable?

    Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 10:33 am #    
  5. ademuth93 wrote::

    There has been a lot of hostility between me and my husband lately. He’s been getting angry at me for no good reason, giving me the silent treatment, and making it difficult for us to get along peaceably. Also, our intimacy levels have plummeted. Neither of us seems to care much about being romantic anymore. We’ve been married almost two years (together for nearly six years) and we’re both in our mid 20s. (as a side note: he is the only guy I’ve ever been with. I never even had another boyfriend!)

    Anyway, I’ve been seeing a counselor on my own, and she advised me to do couples counseling. When I brought the idea to my husband, he said he didn’t want to. I asked him why and he said “Because I’m afraid they will tell you to leave me. I know I don’t treat you like I should.” I don’t know what to make of that. I’m really scared for us. Any advice on what to do now?!

    Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at 4:05 pm #    
  6. encyclopath wrote::

    i’ve been married to my husband for 10years, we have 1 child aged 4.5 years. although i love him and he loves me there is no desire to be passionate anymore. what can both do together that will help to rekindle our feelings?
    thanks guys – so far so good but need more ideas

    Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 4:41 pm #    
  7. Disrae wrote::

    I need you age group (20′s -
    1. How did you meet?
    2. What was your dating experience like?
    3. How did you know the other person was the “one”?
    4. How did the proposal go?
    5. Was the wedding day like you imagined it?
    6. Did you have good role models of marriage growing up? Do you think having had role models has affected your beliefs on marriage?
    7. Wives: what advice would you give young girls for relationships?
    Husbands: same just to young boys
    8. Is marriage different than what you expected?
    9. What are your biggest challenges in staying in a happy marriage?
    10. What are the best things about being married?
    11. What are some of the “non-negotiables” you had in mind before you got married regarding what your future husband would have to be like?
    12. How are you and your spouse similar? different?
    13. Why do you think there is a 50% divorce rate today?
    14. Do you think you should live together before marrying?
    15. your thoughts on marriage counseling?

    Thanks alot

    Saturday, March 29, 2014 at 4:47 am #    
  8. PolishPokeyPimp wrote::

    I’ve been with my husband now for 5 in a half years and I feel like are marriage is falling apart we just had a baby 5 in a half months ago but are problems have been bad even before we had the baby, ever since I was 9 or 10 years old I felt like I was controlled by my father for everything and I just felt trapped in my fathers house he would never let me do anything or even date when I got older, my dad by the way is gay so when I got to a certain age were I could date he had a problem with every guy I dated then I brought a girl home and he was all for it, but that’s not who I was I didn’t want to be with girls I just wanted to prove a point and I was tired of him controlling me I was 18 by the way, then I came across this amazing guy who treated me like how I wanted to be treated, but then my father didn’t like him once again another guy he doesn’t like but I had to make my dad get to know him so that he could see he was a good guy, but anyways I ended up marrying the guy and been married now for a year 1/2 and been with him almost 6 years. but to my point, I’ve always had a bad attitude because of what I went thru when I was a child so I’ve always had hate and anger towards people, but when I met my husband it took him along time to have him make me come out of my shell and to be the type of person I wanted to be and who I’m today and I love him so much for that, I was always miserable angry all the time I just hated the world, I just I fight so bad with my husband over dumb stuff, and we fight because of not agreeing on everything with each other mainly he feels like its always me, I yell at him because I feel like we don’t spend that much time together anymore I know with a baby that its hard to get that time back but I just feel like were falling apart I hate when we fight because we argue so bad an call each other names but when he yells at me the way he yells at me is just so hurtful I don’t like anyone getting that mental or physical abuse he doesn’t put hands on me I wont allow it but when he yells at me mental abuse is so much more painful than physical abuse alot of people tell me they rather have physical abuse then mental cause the pain goes away after being hit the mental stays in your head forever. I just don’t know what to do I want to save my marriage but were always having disagreements and always fighting and he feels if he just goes along with everything just to make me happy just so we don’t fight that things will be okay but I feel like that’s lying to are marriage because he’s not happy and he’s not being honest to me u see. but I want to change my ways an stop yelling at him but I just feel like when I’m crying out for things and he’s not listening when I let him know things that are bothering me its not important to him or he feels I’m just b*t*hing for no reason he doesn’t really feel he’s at fault. my husband is the bread maker by the way so he works while I take care of our daughter because he doesn’t want her in a day care neither do I but I feel like I have a full time job taking care of my daughter but I feel like I don’t get respect like I give him respect for taking care of us. I cook I clean I take care of his child I take care of him I manage the bills I do everything a wife does and take care of his needs and I just ask for a little in return. Are marriage is not the greatest but it’s not the worst. I just need some advice on what I should do I’m not asking for people to bagger me or be mean I just need some positive advice to save my marriage thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

    Friday, May 9, 2014 at 12:01 pm #    
  9. Victoria T wrote::

    I live in Japan. My wife and I have always had communication problems. We fight a lot. From my perspective she is either in passive aggressive mode or simply aggressive mode most of the time. The odd thing is while she is hostile and uncompromising to me she has completely different things to say about me and her hopes when she talks about me to her mother.

    We both thought we needed a break so we agreed she would take my child and visit her mother for a month. I tried to just not communicate and let things cool off and succeeded for a couple of weeks but when I called and tried to talk to her or my son she kept brushing me off even in the shortest conversations. This blew up into yet another fight over the phone after which she told me she would return to start divorce proceedings. After she came back I tried to let her cool off and made serious efforts to deal with my temper which in her view was the problem. I also tried to engage her in some actual dialog but the only thing she would talk about is divorce.

    The thing is I also was in conversation with her mother who insisted that my wife was interested in repairing the marriage and that I could not take what she said at face value. No matter what I tried my wife simply would not engage in any kind of constructive conversation, and would only talk about divorce or separation.

    Desperate to do anything to get her to cool off I agreed that she and my boy should go back and spend some more time with her mother. She liked that but said she wanted to go the next day. I did not know how long it would be until I could see my son again so I asked her to give me a couple of days with him so I could say good by and take him to disney land. I thought it was a reasonable request but she said “no”. Impasse. The following day, she disappeared with him. After a week and a day she contacted her mother and we now know she has been in a shelter for abused women. I was not abusing her. We were not even raising our voices at each other. It seems she just wanted to deny me, the guy who is buying her plane tickets to be with her mother, a couple of days with our son.

    In all our conversations she acknowledges that I am a great dad and I am, I get him up in the morning dress him feed him and take him to the bus stop, I also put him to bed most nights. In action I have been as much a mother to him, especially over the last two or three years than she has. So she keeps saying she wants us to raise our boy together, but her idea of “together” is she takes him to live in another town 500 miles away and I can see him when I can both take time off work and raise the plane fare. Plane fare is not cheap in japan and I am not a rich man, so that is simply a totally dishonest idea or an insane misrepresentation of what is practical.

    I am willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage because I love my boy more than anything in the world and I want him to have a mamma and a papa. I also want to repair the relationship with my wife but simply cannot get her to engage.

    I have never felt so hopelessly depressed in my life.

    Monday, June 9, 2014 at 12:01 pm #    
  10. PIE BOY wrote::

    Me and my husband have been married for a little over a year. Before that we dated for 4 years, so we’ve been together for a total of 5 years. We’ve always kinde been the arguementitive types but most of the time just small things and it doesn’t last more than 15 min. I know it’s unhealthy but we both accepted it.
    I figure marriage counseling can’t hurt, right? But I have no idea how to suggest it without him getting the idea that I’m ready to leave this relationship… Cuz that’s not how it is at all.

    Monday, June 16, 2014 at 2:11 pm #